"The Christmas that helped us understand the true meaning of Christmas"

Last year a week before Christmas, our home was robbed of Christmas presents and other valuables.  Word spread very quickly and we soon found ward members and a neighbor at our door with food, and gifts to replace what we had lost.  We were very grateful for their kindness, but Stuart and I felt extremely guilty that people were spending their busy schedules and money on us.  Although our family was shaken up by the intrusion, we were OK.  We knew that the items stolen were only possessions (well, the kids did have a MUCH harder time with losing their gifts).  

Feeling unworthy of the over- abundance of kind deeds, I knelt down and plead with Heavenly Father and asked that people would forget about this whole thing and stop serving us.  The answer was a very warm and kind response…let them serve you and use it to serve.  The answer was really a demonstration to me of how God works and how He uses each of us to serve and in turn we are to serve others.  It also helped me to realize that sometimes I need to be more humble and allow the service.  The truth was that as much as I felt we didn’t need the service, it made such an immense difference in helping us feel an abundance of love and with our family feeling the true meaning of Christmas.      

  

On Dec 23, a few families that we had never met before came to our door.  They told us how our neighbor had posted on facebook about our ordeal.  The Natter Family from Temecula read about it and put a massive effort into blessing our family.  With the generosity of 17 families, whom we had never met, they presented us with many gifts and money.  We were completely overwhelmed with their generosity.  They were all filled with the Pure Love of Christ and radiated His love.  The kids were ECSTATIC about their gifts.  They have never had a Christmas like this.  That is for sure.  After these 3 families left, the scared feelings of the robbers returning dissipated and were replaced with love, peace, and hope.  

I went to bed knowing that we should serve others with the money that was given.  I thought of so many people that could use it and just didn’t know where to begin.  I woke up very early and it was very clear to me what the Lord wanted us to do.  For a while I had wanted to feed the homeless a warm meal on Christmas.  I wasn’t sure though how to go about making a meal for so many and on Christmas when I am so busy with my own little kids on Christmas morning.  So I had just kind of resigned to it being good in theory, but not doable.  Christmas Eve morning it was clear that feeding the homeless was exactly what we were supposed to do, except I wasn’t supposed to do the cooking.  My friend’s husband was supposed to do the cooking.  

My good friend’s husband had owned a restaurant, but lost it a couple years ago with the downfall in the economy.  Since then he has been working little jobs here and there, but nothing that would support a family of 6.  They have been destitute these last couple of years, which has been very hard on this humble man’s pride and sense of self-worth.  This is a family that serves so selflessly even when they barely have anything.  Kids flock to their apartment because it is a place of love and kindness.  

My friend had told me that if ever I know of someone that needed a caterer, that her husband could be hired.  So Christmas Eve morning I called them and asked if he would cater a meal for the homeless on Christmas morning.  They both jumped at the chance.  He told me that he wanted to do it for free because of who it was for.  I of course told him that he would be paid by the generosity of others.  I took him shopping on Christmas Eve and at 11:30 on Christmas day I got a call that the meals (chicken, rice, and vegetable medley) were ready to be picked up.  They had made close to 100 meals.  It was so good to see this humble man so happy and rejuvenated to be hired to use his skills. 

They are very religious people and love God, but do not celebrate Christmas.  So I was not taking him away from any Christmas family traditions that his family would be celebrating.  I am just amazed at how the Lord worked in the whole situation to uniquely bless each of His children in our own needs and desires.  He truly is aware of us and what we stand in need of.  

Stuart had gotten a severe case of strep throat Christmas morning so stayed home with the 2 little kids taking naps.  Meanwhile, I took the older 3 kids to pick up the meals and drive around to find people that needed a warm meal.  Summer (11) was really excited to go, but the boys were upset about leaving their brand new amazing toys.  Their frustration was short lived as we got started.  

As we drove I kept praying that we would find people that needed a meal.  I was constantly reassured that He would lead me to people.  We started driving around and found a few people that were holding signs up for help.  Sometimes we handed them meals through the window when we were stopped at a stop light.  Other times we got out and walked around a bit to hand them out.  Everyone was VERY grateful.  Summer made and handed out little notes that said things like “Someone cares.”  All of the kids were a little shy at first, but they soon warmed up and walked up to people with confidence and love.  I kept having the thought to go to San Diego where the 94 ends and the city begins.  Wow!  There were a lot of homeless people there.  They were so kind and so grateful.  

This brought us so much happiness.  When we got home and were eating dinner, Spencer (8) said this was the best Christmas EVER!!!  I asked why and he said because of the homeless and all of the presents. All of us agreed that this was our best Christmas ever. 

The most important thing I learned from this experience was that although bad things are going to happen, Heavenly Father replaces the bad with something so much better, something that we may not feel like we deserve.  I learned so much about the grace of Jesus Christ and that when we have been blessed with it, we must share it with others.       

Dreams do come true

Last week I was at the grocery store with my 3 youngest boys.  I kind lady smiled and jokingly said, “You should have 3 more.”  I replied, “Oh, I do have 3 more, but they are in school.”  She laughed and went about her day.  

We are asked a lot why do you have so many kids and my answer varies depending on my mood.  When it comes down to it, we have so many kids because these are the children the Lord wants us to have and we want to do what the Lord wants us to do.

Three kids was a hard number of kids for me.  In my heart I knew we were going to have more, but one night after a long exhausting day, in frustration I told the Lord that we were done having kids and that if He wanted us to have more children He had better let me know because as far as I was concerned, we were done.  

That night the Lord answered me in my dreams, as is His usual mode of communication with me.  In my dream I saw 3 young adult boys dressed in suits and ties.  The middle one told me, “I am Benson and we are your sons.”  I could not see their distinct faces because a sheer veil or curtain like thing was in between us.  Needless to say, I woke up with a changed heart.  I felt an overwhelming love for these boys and knew I wanted them in our family. 

In the next years our Benson came, followed by Keith and Adam.  I thought of them as already part of our family before they were born.  But when Adam officially joined our family this past February and I was taking a picture of the 3 boys, I became so emotional.  I told my husband, 

“Dreams do come true.” 

There are not enough words to express my gratitude to the Lord for changing my heart.  For helping me to see that what His will for me was better than what my own will was.  Yes, life is crazy with 6 kids and tears are shed when I am feeling overwhelmed with the task of being a wife and mother to these children.  I make lots of mistakes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.   

Healing Power of the Atonement for Those Affected by Suicide

My mom and I are looking to publish our book

Healing Power of the Atonement for Those Affected by Suicide

towards the end of the summer. To introduce the book and give readers an idea of things they can find in the book, Eileen Lentz (my Mom) has started a blog with some of the stories. Below is a post that I had written about the healing process involved with a couple that were both suicidal due to the effects of pornography. I really feel like this story could be helpful in other situations where we may need healing, not just with pornography and not just for those who have suicidal thoughts. 
http://7thchildpublishing.com/2014/06/03/familycrisis-effectsofpornography/

Look for other stories from our book throughout the summer!

Clarification between abortion and miscarriages

I got a comment today about someone's misinterpretation of my last post about abortions.  This person was concerned that I was saying that abortions and miscarriages are alike.  No where in my posts have I ever said that.  PLEASE refer to the post about miscarriages on my post (it is a couple posts down past the post on abortion).

While in both cases, the baby dies, miscarriages and abortions are completely different, as one is not chosen and the other option is chosen.  Agency plays a big role in abortion.  In an abortion a person chooses not to have that specific child, while in a miscarriage the person does not choose for the baby to die.  I DO NOT feel that the Lord would reassign our miscarried children to someone else, and I am certainly not saying that, and certainly will never say that or believe that. 

I have had 3 miscarriages, and those spirits have stayed with our family.  I know this after reading anything I could get my hands on about miscarriages (doctrine, other women's experiences with their miscarriages, reading scriptures, etc.) and asking the Lord about my specific miscarriages.  Years after my miscarriages, the answers came like a flood because I really started to pray intensely and ask God about my specific circumstances.  I now understand what the Lord is talking about when He says that He will liken the scriptures unto us.  Any ways, this knowledge about my miscarriages has brought me the greatest joy and absolute peace I could ever imagine.

I would go into more detail on the topic of miscarriages, but I feel like the previous post on miscarriages and the information in that post (the experiences of other women) is sufficient to answer any ones questions as to how vastly different I feel about miscarriages and abortion.  And I am sure anyone can agree as to how vastly different they are.

I think that the most important thing to do is to ask of God what be true, in your specific circumstances.  Even within abortions, there are times when a woman chooses an abortion because of health reasons, incest, rape, etc.  Something to note in these circumstances is the agency or lack thereof in these cases of abortion.  For a friend of mine such is the case with her choice to have an abortion.  You can read about her story at  http://theyremember.org/caleb-colton/  I love her tender story of the personal revelation she received in needing to have an abortion and then the son returning to her in a future pregnancy.  Our circumstances are so varied and we should not judge one person's circumstances against our own.  God does know us perfectly and judges perfectly. 

MY SECOND CHANCE AFTER AN ABORTION

In 2006, I learned something about myself that I have shared with a few people over the years, but have always kept it very secret.  I kept it secret because I knew that people would think I was crazy, and worried what they would think of me.  But also because I felt like the Lord wanted me to keep it to myself until the time was right.  Last night and today it has been so overwhelmingly clear that the Lord wants me to share mine and my mother's story about ABORTION.  I feel like I am to share it to give comfort to those who may have had similar experiences but not been able to understand why.  And also to give comfort to those who have aborted...because I believe very strongly that God still loves you and is willing to forgive.  MOST IMPORTANTLY THOUGH, I SHARE THIS TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT SPIRITS THAT ARE TAKEN IN ABORTION!  IT IS MY HOPE AND PRAYER THAT INDIVIDUALS WILL BE MORE PRAYERFUL WHEN MAKING SUCH SERIOUS DECISIONS LIKE THIS.

So here is our story....

Mother: When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a dream where her form stretched out in my skin. I could see she was in pain and troubled. I held her in my arms and comforted her. When I awoke I was quite troubled and sought the advice of my doctor. The doctor advised against an amniocentesis as there were risks.  So I asked my husband to give the baby a blessing by the laying on of hands.  She was born shortly thereafter as a healthy baby.  As our daughter grew I realized that the dream did not mean that anything physically was wrong, but emotionally.  She had many terrors and self doubt as she grew up. I spent many hours on my knees asking for ways I could help her have peace and in what ways I could help her know who she really is.

Daughter:  I remember being a little girl and being terrified to go to sleep because I had awful night terrors.  I would dream about snakes being all around me and I was terrified they would touch me.  I would wake up and see snakes slithering all around me in the air.  I was also convinced that there were evil spirits all around me and would scream for my Mom.  I was extremely fortunate because my Mom seemed to always rescue me.  As I grew up the fear of snakes and evil spirits continued. 

My fears didn’t make sense though because I had never had a traumatic experience with either snakes or evil spirits.  I couldn’t even handle rubber snakes or pictures of snakes.  Even as an adult, I had a panic attack when rubber snakes were thrown on me at work when I was 19.  The worst part was that they actually touched me.  I was so traumatized that I had to have my Dad give me a blessing by the laying on of hands to comfort me and help me have the courage to return to work.  In the blessing my Dad talked about Satan and not so much snakes.  He said, “Satan may have power to bruise your heal, but you have power to crush his head.”  I always knew that I had a fear of both of these things, but it was the first time that I really started realizing that my fear of snakes and evil spirits were linked together.  

Besides those two fears, I was extremely anxious and always worried that people did not like me or want to be with me.  I felt like I was not good enough to be loved.  These feelings did not make sense though because my parents loved me so much and were so proud of me.  They treated me like I was the best at everything, even though I certainly wasn’t.  They had so much faith in my abilities to do anything.  Family members, classmates, friends, and teachers were usually very nice to me also.  So it just didn’t make sense why I had these feelings.  My mom often asked me if someone had hurt me or sexually abused me because my behavior screamed that something was emotionally wrong with me.  But I never had been and said so.  I had periods of anxiety over these things and then other times when I felt confident in myself and my abilities.

When I was a teenager I went to get my patriarchal blessing, which is a blessing that gives you insight into your life and helps you understand your purpose in life.  My older brother had gotten his awhile before and they were talking about what a wonderful blessing it was.  But for me, I was terrified to go.  I was shaking because I was convinced that the Patriarch was going to tell me how awful I really was.  I was so embarrassed that my parents would hear how awful the Lord thought I was.  As the patriarch began, the first thing he talked about was my fear to come to this earth.  My Mom was very emotional during the blessing and I know it gave her a lot of comfort and helped her understand better the meaning of her dream when she was pregnant with me.  Sometimes these paragraphs in my Patriarchal Blessing have given me comfort that Heavenly Father really knows me and loves me.  But other times, it has made me feel like a freak. 

In 2006 I was having a couple weeks in which I was feeling like a freak and worthless.  I was a young wife and mother and preparing for a lesson for our youth at church.  I was using Sister Tanner’s LDS General Conference talk on the Sanctity of the Body, in which she talks about how we rejoiced to come to this earth to receive a body.  I started to get very sad because I knew that I did not rejoice to come to this earth.  I knew from my patriarchal blessing that I was afraid to come to earth because of Lucifer.  I was sad for days thinking that I was not very noble in our pre-earth life because I did not rejoice to come to this earth, but rather feared it.  I always told our youth how noble and special they are for being saved for these latter-days; therefore, I knew that I did not belong as their teacher.  I did not talk about this with anyone, not even the Lord. 

A couple of weeks later, I got my early Christmas gift from my older brother…a book called “Songs of the Morning Star” by Sarah Hinze.  My brother and I haven’t really felt very close throughout our lives and he had been praying to find a book that would bring us closer.  I was about to put it on the shelf to collect dust like most of the books that are given to me, when I opened the book up to the center and read one of the stories.  I was completely drawn to the book and felt the Spirit very strongly as I read it. 

One particular story was about a boy that had an intense fear of fire, while having never experienced any trauma with fire.  Through some amazing experiences, he and his mother learned that he had experienced being thrown into a fire during an abortion performed by an angry boyfriend.  This story struck a very strong cord with me.  I started to wonder if I had been an aborted baby.  It seemed to me that this book was Heavenly Father’s way of comforting me and helping me understand why I had so many fears and anxiety before I came to this earth and why I have them now.  I called my Mom and told her about the book and asked her if she thought that I had been aborted.  She did not know, but said that she would pray about it. 

My Mom is a very strong spiritual woman.  As she pondered and prayed about this specific question, she could see in her mind a friend of hers that was pregnant with me.  This person would get drunk while I was in her womb.  While she was intoxicated, evil spirits in the form of snakes would enter her body and swim around me and terrify me.  My Mom was taught by the Spirit that when people are intoxicated with alcohol and drugs, evil spirits can enter their bodies.  My Mom was thrown off by this particular friend having a pregnancy end in abortion.  She talked to her friend’s sister who said that she had in fact had an abortion when she was a teenager.  She had gotten pregnant with a married man and he insisted she have an abortion.  Very few people knew about the abortion, and certainly not my Mom or me. 

My Mom called me and very hesitantly told me what she had learned.  She was very worried that by me learning this I would feel sad and rejected.  It was the opposite though.  It brought me so much healing.  A few short weeks before this, I had questioned my nobility and doubted my ability to do the things I have been asked to do.  Heavenly Father knew that it was time for me to find out why I had great fear when I left their presence.  I no longer felt like a freak.  I felt immensely blessed to have been reassigned to my Mom and Dad who loved me unconditionally and wanted me.  

I wanted to see what my Mom saw and so I asked the Lord if I could see it as well.  The Holy Ghost whispered, "No, you can't handle the trauma again.  Just trust your Mom."  There was my answer.  I knew she was right.

I do not hold ANY contempt or ill feelings towards the person that had aborted me.  In fact when I first found out that it was her I only felt love for her.  I have always loved her and always felt a closeness to her.  Even though I have not seen her in many years, finding this out has only made me feel closer to her.  I forgive her and know that she was in a difficult time in her life.  I know that Satan is very evil and very convincing.  Satan would have us think that there are no consequences for our choices.  But that just is not true.  I know that the choices we make affect so many lives including the unborn and those we are pregnant with.

While I have a very keen awareness of Satan’s evilness, I have a very strong testimony of a very loving and kind Heavenly Father.  We are all His children.  He wants all of us to return to live with Him, which is why He sent His Only Begotten Son to atone for our sins, for our pains, for our illnesses, for our sorrows.  When Jesus Christ was in the Garden of Gethsemane He felt every last pain and sin that each one of us have ever experienced.  He is the only One who knows what it is like to walk in our shoes, which is why He is the only One that knows how to Succor us or how to help us.  Each one of us is covered under the atonement, if we will only partake of it.  I know that turning to the Savior and using the atonement is how we can return to live with God forever, even after having an abortion or being the aborted one

Sarah Hinze is looking for someone that would like to review her new book on their blog.  She would send you a copy of it "The Memory Catcher."  You can see the description in one of my last posts.  Let me know if you are interested.  It is a fabulous book and would highly recommend it.

I just finished reading Sarah Hinze's autobiography (which is out on Kindle through Amazon).  It is called "The Memory Catcher."  It was an awesome book.  For those of you not familiar with her, she has spent decades collecting experiences/stories of those who have had experiences with their children while they are in heaven (whether they have died, miscarried, or not even conceived yet).  She has also collected stories and had a couple of books about those spirits that have been aborted.  I have a real passion for the work she does, which is why I share this with you.  I have loved her books, but was extremely impressed and touched reading her autobiography that outlines the inspiring, miraculous events in her life that led her to devote her life to being the voice for the unborn child.  I love this woman and consider her a dear friend of mine.  We have chatted on the phone a couple of times and e-mailed and Wow is she an amazing woman!  I highly recommend "The Memory Catcher."