Healing Power of the Atonement for Those Affected by Suicide

My mom and I are looking to publish our book

Healing Power of the Atonement for Those Affected by Suicide

towards the end of the summer. To introduce the book and give readers an idea of things they can find in the book, Eileen Lentz (my Mom) has started a blog with some of the stories. Below is a post that I had written about the healing process involved with a couple that were both suicidal due to the effects of pornography. I really feel like this story could be helpful in other situations where we may need healing, not just with pornography and not just for those who have suicidal thoughts. 
http://7thchildpublishing.com/2014/06/03/familycrisis-effectsofpornography/

Look for other stories from our book throughout the summer!

Clarification between abortion and miscarriages

I got a comment today about someone's misinterpretation of my last post about abortions.  This person was concerned that I was saying that abortions and miscarriages are alike.  No where in my posts have I ever said that.  PLEASE refer to the post about miscarriages on my post (it is a couple posts down past the post on abortion).

While in both cases, the baby dies, miscarriages and abortions are completely different, as one is not chosen and the other option is chosen.  Agency plays a big role in abortion.  In an abortion a person chooses not to have that specific child, while in a miscarriage the person does not choose for the baby to die.  I DO NOT feel that the Lord would reassign our miscarried children to someone else, and I am certainly not saying that, and certainly will never say that or believe that. 

I have had 3 miscarriages, and those spirits have stayed with our family.  I know this after reading anything I could get my hands on about miscarriages (doctrine, other women's experiences with their miscarriages, reading scriptures, etc.) and asking the Lord about my specific miscarriages.  Years after my miscarriages, the answers came like a flood because I really started to pray intensely and ask God about my specific circumstances.  I now understand what the Lord is talking about when He says that He will liken the scriptures unto us.  Any ways, this knowledge about my miscarriages has brought me the greatest joy and absolute peace I could ever imagine.

I would go into more detail on the topic of miscarriages, but I feel like the previous post on miscarriages and the information in that post (the experiences of other women) is sufficient to answer any ones questions as to how vastly different I feel about miscarriages and abortion.  And I am sure anyone can agree as to how vastly different they are.

I think that the most important thing to do is to ask of God what be true, in your specific circumstances.  Even within abortions, there are times when a woman chooses an abortion because of health reasons, incest, rape, etc.  Something to note in these circumstances is the agency or lack thereof in these cases of abortion.  For a friend of mine such is the case with her choice to have an abortion.  You can read about her story at  http://theyremember.org/caleb-colton/  I love her tender story of the personal revelation she received in needing to have an abortion and then the son returning to her in a future pregnancy.  Our circumstances are so varied and we should not judge one person's circumstances against our own.  God does know us perfectly and judges perfectly. 

MY SECOND CHANCE AFTER AN ABORTION

In 2006, I learned something about myself that I have shared with a few people over the years, but have always kept it very secret.  I kept it secret because I knew that people would think I was crazy, and worried what they would think of me.  But also because I felt like the Lord wanted me to keep it to myself until the time was right.  Last night and today it has been so overwhelmingly clear that the Lord wants me to share mine and my mother's story about ABORTION.  I feel like I am to share it to give comfort to those who may have had similar experiences but not been able to understand why.  And also to give comfort to those who have aborted...because I believe very strongly that God still loves you and is willing to forgive.  MOST IMPORTANTLY THOUGH, I SHARE THIS TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT SPIRITS THAT ARE TAKEN IN ABORTION!  IT IS MY HOPE AND PRAYER THAT INDIVIDUALS WILL BE MORE PRAYERFUL WHEN MAKING SUCH SERIOUS DECISIONS LIKE THIS.

So here is our story....

Mother: When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a dream where her form stretched out in my skin. I could see she was in pain and troubled. I held her in my arms and comforted her. When I awoke I was quite troubled and sought the advice of my doctor. The doctor advised against an amniocentesis as there were risks.  So I asked my husband to give the baby a blessing by the laying on of hands.  She was born shortly thereafter as a healthy baby.  As our daughter grew I realized that the dream did not mean that anything physically was wrong, but emotionally.  She had many terrors and self doubt as she grew up. I spent many hours on my knees asking for ways I could help her have peace and in what ways I could help her know who she really is.

Daughter:  I remember being a little girl and being terrified to go to sleep because I had awful night terrors.  I would dream about snakes being all around me and I was terrified they would touch me.  I would wake up and see snakes slithering all around me in the air.  I was also convinced that there were evil spirits all around me and would scream for my Mom.  I was extremely fortunate because my Mom seemed to always rescue me.  As I grew up the fear of snakes and evil spirits continued. 

My fears didn’t make sense though because I had never had a traumatic experience with either snakes or evil spirits.  I couldn’t even handle rubber snakes or pictures of snakes.  Even as an adult, I had a panic attack when rubber snakes were thrown on me at work when I was 19.  The worst part was that they actually touched me.  I was so traumatized that I had to have my Dad give me a blessing by the laying on of hands to comfort me and help me have the courage to return to work.  In the blessing my Dad talked about Satan and not so much snakes.  He said, “Satan may have power to bruise your heal, but you have power to crush his head.”  I always knew that I had a fear of both of these things, but it was the first time that I really started realizing that my fear of snakes and evil spirits were linked together.  

Besides those two fears, I was extremely anxious and always worried that people did not like me or want to be with me.  I felt like I was not good enough to be loved.  These feelings did not make sense though because my parents loved me so much and were so proud of me.  They treated me like I was the best at everything, even though I certainly wasn’t.  They had so much faith in my abilities to do anything.  Family members, classmates, friends, and teachers were usually very nice to me also.  So it just didn’t make sense why I had these feelings.  My mom often asked me if someone had hurt me or sexually abused me because my behavior screamed that something was emotionally wrong with me.  But I never had been and said so.  I had periods of anxiety over these things and then other times when I felt confident in myself and my abilities.

When I was a teenager I went to get my patriarchal blessing, which is a blessing that gives you insight into your life and helps you understand your purpose in life.  My older brother had gotten his awhile before and they were talking about what a wonderful blessing it was.  But for me, I was terrified to go.  I was shaking because I was convinced that the Patriarch was going to tell me how awful I really was.  I was so embarrassed that my parents would hear how awful the Lord thought I was.  As the patriarch began, the first thing he talked about was my fear to come to this earth.  My Mom was very emotional during the blessing and I know it gave her a lot of comfort and helped her understand better the meaning of her dream when she was pregnant with me.  Sometimes these paragraphs in my Patriarchal Blessing have given me comfort that Heavenly Father really knows me and loves me.  But other times, it has made me feel like a freak. 

In 2006 I was having a couple weeks in which I was feeling like a freak and worthless.  I was a young wife and mother and preparing for a lesson for our youth at church.  I was using Sister Tanner’s LDS General Conference talk on the Sanctity of the Body, in which she talks about how we rejoiced to come to this earth to receive a body.  I started to get very sad because I knew that I did not rejoice to come to this earth.  I knew from my patriarchal blessing that I was afraid to come to earth because of Lucifer.  I was sad for days thinking that I was not very noble in our pre-earth life because I did not rejoice to come to this earth, but rather feared it.  I always told our youth how noble and special they are for being saved for these latter-days; therefore, I knew that I did not belong as their teacher.  I did not talk about this with anyone, not even the Lord. 

A couple of weeks later, I got my early Christmas gift from my older brother…a book called “Songs of the Morning Star” by Sarah Hinze.  My brother and I haven’t really felt very close throughout our lives and he had been praying to find a book that would bring us closer.  I was about to put it on the shelf to collect dust like most of the books that are given to me, when I opened the book up to the center and read one of the stories.  I was completely drawn to the book and felt the Spirit very strongly as I read it. 

One particular story was about a boy that had an intense fear of fire, while having never experienced any trauma with fire.  Through some amazing experiences, he and his mother learned that he had experienced being thrown into a fire during an abortion performed by an angry boyfriend.  This story struck a very strong cord with me.  I started to wonder if I had been an aborted baby.  It seemed to me that this book was Heavenly Father’s way of comforting me and helping me understand why I had so many fears and anxiety before I came to this earth and why I have them now.  I called my Mom and told her about the book and asked her if she thought that I had been aborted.  She did not know, but said that she would pray about it. 

My Mom is a very strong spiritual woman.  As she pondered and prayed about this specific question, she could see in her mind a friend of hers that was pregnant with me.  This person would get drunk while I was in her womb.  While she was intoxicated, evil spirits in the form of snakes would enter her body and swim around me and terrify me.  My Mom was taught by the Spirit that when people are intoxicated with alcohol and drugs, evil spirits can enter their bodies.  My Mom was thrown off by this particular friend having a pregnancy end in abortion.  She talked to her friend’s sister who said that she had in fact had an abortion when she was a teenager.  She had gotten pregnant with a married man and he insisted she have an abortion.  Very few people knew about the abortion, and certainly not my Mom or me. 

My Mom called me and very hesitantly told me what she had learned.  She was very worried that by me learning this I would feel sad and rejected.  It was the opposite though.  It brought me so much healing.  A few short weeks before this, I had questioned my nobility and doubted my ability to do the things I have been asked to do.  Heavenly Father knew that it was time for me to find out why I had great fear when I left their presence.  I no longer felt like a freak.  I felt immensely blessed to have been reassigned to my Mom and Dad who loved me unconditionally and wanted me.  

I wanted to see what my Mom saw and so I asked the Lord if I could see it as well.  The Holy Ghost whispered, "No, you can't handle the trauma again.  Just trust your Mom."  There was my answer.  I knew she was right.

I do not hold ANY contempt or ill feelings towards the person that had aborted me.  In fact when I first found out that it was her I only felt love for her.  I have always loved her and always felt a closeness to her.  Even though I have not seen her in many years, finding this out has only made me feel closer to her.  I forgive her and know that she was in a difficult time in her life.  I know that Satan is very evil and very convincing.  Satan would have us think that there are no consequences for our choices.  But that just is not true.  I know that the choices we make affect so many lives including the unborn and those we are pregnant with.

While I have a very keen awareness of Satan’s evilness, I have a very strong testimony of a very loving and kind Heavenly Father.  We are all His children.  He wants all of us to return to live with Him, which is why He sent His Only Begotten Son to atone for our sins, for our pains, for our illnesses, for our sorrows.  When Jesus Christ was in the Garden of Gethsemane He felt every last pain and sin that each one of us have ever experienced.  He is the only One who knows what it is like to walk in our shoes, which is why He is the only One that knows how to Succor us or how to help us.  Each one of us is covered under the atonement, if we will only partake of it.  I know that turning to the Savior and using the atonement is how we can return to live with God forever, even after having an abortion or being the aborted one

Sarah Hinze is looking for someone that would like to review her new book on their blog.  She would send you a copy of it "The Memory Catcher."  You can see the description in one of my last posts.  Let me know if you are interested.  It is a fabulous book and would highly recommend it.

I just finished reading Sarah Hinze's autobiography (which is out on Kindle through Amazon).  It is called "The Memory Catcher."  It was an awesome book.  For those of you not familiar with her, she has spent decades collecting experiences/stories of those who have had experiences with their children while they are in heaven (whether they have died, miscarried, or not even conceived yet).  She has also collected stories and had a couple of books about those spirits that have been aborted.  I have a real passion for the work she does, which is why I share this with you.  I have loved her books, but was extremely impressed and touched reading her autobiography that outlines the inspiring, miraculous events in her life that led her to devote her life to being the voice for the unborn child.  I love this woman and consider her a dear friend of mine.  We have chatted on the phone a couple of times and e-mailed and Wow is she an amazing woman!  I highly recommend "The Memory Catcher."  

In honor of Infant Loss Awareness Month I share this excerpt from Sarah Hinze book "Songs of the Morning Star."  This excerpt is written by Cherie Logan

"Several years ago, while visiting with a friend, we had a remarkable experience together.  We had been talking of things close to our hearts when suddenly my friend became quiet.  Then she said softly, “Cherie, there are angels present.”  I turned in the direction of her gaze and my heart jumped.  There stood my son, Marshall, who had died in infancy.  With him I also saw my children who had not yet been born.  I knew instantly I had seen these children before.  Then Marshall introduced me to a child I had not seen previously.  This child, Joshua, begged to be part of our family.  I agreed.

On the third request, begging entry into our family, he said something odd.  He stated that he was “A Cast Off One.”  I was not hallucinating.  My friend also saw the experience up to this point. 

As I puzzled over the meaning of “Cast Off One,” a path opened before me leading to a field filled with white cradles.  The Lord Jesus Christ stood in their midst.  In the cradles were babies, endless rows of babies.

The Lord turned to me and said, “These are the Cast Off Ones.  Their blood cries to me from the earth.”  Instantly I knew His meaning.  These multitudes were aborted babies!”

 

Miscarriages

My mind has been drawn to those who experience miscarriages. I have had a lot of friends who have had to deal with this trial. My heart aches for them and my prayers are with them. This post is written in hopes to bring peace to those individuals. Personally, I had 3 miscarriages in 2002-2003. At the time they were very difficult and by the third one I really felt like Summer was going to be our only child. I had a range of emotions, but that is not the point of this post. I think one of the hardest things about them for me was that there is no set doctrine on the subject. There are some really good hopeful quotes by General Authorities, but no concrete doctrine about the finalization of those precious spirits in a miscarriage. I am a person that wants doctrine.

Since the beginning of 2011 I have really studied this topic. Tonight I read something that really rang true to me as I have studied and prayed about this topic. I hope it serves as a comfort to those who have had to deal with this. I was rereading one of my favorite near death experience accounts of Suzanne Freeman. She had a near death experience with complications in an ectopic pregnancy that went very wrong. In meeting the daughter of that ectopic pregnancy on the other side of the veil she said,

"It was made known to me that sometimes a miscarriage is allowed as a challenge for the mother or family, and the brief time spent in the mother's womb has fulfilled that particular spirit's mission. Sometimes a miscarriage occurs because there is a problem with the DNA or some other facet of development, and the spirit that would have claimed that body may come again. Depending on the cause and purpose of the event, miscarried babies may be able to choose whether the miscarriage is their total earthly experience, or whether they want to go again."

Suzanne Freeman was blessed with a near death experience to learn that her dear daughter Brook's mission on the earth was fulfilled through the ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage, but not all of us are going to have such a grand experience. In another book about miscarriages the author spoke about an important tool that we have of using personal revelation to know the purpose and spiritual outcome of the miscarriages. I know this personally to be true and to work. You don't even have to almost die to learn these things. It is as simple as asking specific questions to Heavenly Father and He pours out knowledge, as long as you do your part in fasting, praying, and earnestly and diligently seeking out those answers for your specific circumstances.

At the beginning of this year I read on a blog the experience of one woman's 3 miscarriages, where she learned through personal revelation that one returned to heaven to act as a guardian to her family, one returned to her at a different time, and another one returned to one of her children (she had like 11 kids so maybe the Lord let her have a rest!!!). To me this explains why there would be no set doctrine because every situation is different. Doctrine to me is something that you can always count on, but how can church leaders promise something that is different in various circumstances. We are naturally interested in things that affect us, and for those that have experienced a miscarriage can find great comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father does hear and answer our earnest prayers....and that is doctrine.

I feel a special kinship to people that have experienced a miscarriage. For those of you who have experienced a miscarriage and want an ear to listen to and shoulder to cry on mine is always open.