Toddlers hitting

Nephi has been hitting a lot lately. This isn't a big surprise to me and a concern since all of our kids have done this and having babysat and served in the nursery at church I know that this is normal. Being the mother of 2 former and 1 current hitting toddlers, I have sometimes got comments like if your child hits it must be because your beating or spanking your child. Even though I knew that this was not the case, it still hurt my feelings. My Mom has often told me that it is because young kids can't communicate and that is how they communicate to us that they are upset or need something. Being on the "kid scene" now for 7 years, I have often seen hurt and angry feelings of parents whose children have been the recipients of a toddler in a hitting spree. I have often thought of how silly to get upset over an unaccountable 18 month old hitting. Yesterday we were at the park and I watched something like this take place with some strangers. The upset mother asked this very sorry and apologetic mother about her parenting and the reasons this child must be the way she is. Of course being the nosy me I went up to the apologetic mother after and told her that her daughter was normal and would grow out of it. So in honor of this mother and anyone else who have ever been scolded for their parenting skills, this post is dedicated to you.

I searched on the Internet last night to see if my Mom was right as she usually is. I found several articles all saying the same thing. This is a sample of what I found.

Dr. Jane Nelson who wrote "Positive Discipline" answered a woman's question about her hitting toddler with this: "Most likely your child simply doesn't have the words or skills to get her needs met and lashes out (hits) because she doesn't know what else to do. Toddlers are short on both language and social skills, and when they play together they can easily become frustrated. When they lack the ability to express what's wrong in words, hitting and other types of aggression sometimes result. It is developmentally normal for toddlers to hit. It is the parent's job to supervise and handle toddlers kindly and firmly until they are ready to learn more effective ways to communicate. Kids will grow out of it if they get help (skills training) instead of a model of violence (hitting back)."

As you all know Stuart is in his last year/internship of getting his PhD for Child Psychology. So of course I tell him of parents that I see getting upset over actions of other toddlers towards their perfectly behaved children. He always tells me to relax because their next child will be normal and it will humble them!